Happy Ever After?
by Booksil
Summary: Tris alive? David dead? Will Tris survive this never-ending war? Will she get her Happy Ever After?
1. Chapter One

TRIS

Staring at the blank ceiling has become a habit of mine. Every morning for the past 3 years I've become more fanaticised about the way the cream gets darker in some places and lighter in others. I sometimes take a glance out of the window and catch glimpses of light reflecting off of Chicago.

Home.

It's 3:30 am and I still haven't slept. Not since I found out that my mom was caught by Caleb, Christina, and Tobias. My Tobias.

Mother was on a mission to find stray people wandering outside the fence of Chicago when they found her. Well, at least that's what the Control Room people in the Bureau told me. I just hope she's safe. I can't, I won't lose her again.

After I 'died' I've tried harder and harder to forget the life I left behind. But I feel like I'm

sand next to the ocean. No matter how dry I get the water keeps flooding back. No matter how far I come to forgetting, the memories keep coming back. The memories of the calming sound of the Abnegation on the sidewalks walking in perfect harmony, of my blood sizzling on the Dauntless coals, of Wills crease between his brows whenever he spoke, of Als boulder-like body scooping me off my feet, of Christina's face when Molly beat her until she had more blood covering her body than her beautiful bronzed skin, of the way Tobias' eyes made me forget where I was and what was going on.

 _Tobias_

I turn and press my head into the softness of the pillow, letting it embrace me until I need air. I finally give up and half drag my child-like body out of bed. I don't even realize I did it until I was over. I made the bed and was sure to perfect the edges like my father always taught me.

Every time I think of him a pang of guilt punches me like a blow to the stomach. He's alone. I'm here with my mother while he's waiting. He should be here. I trace my hand along the cool wall as I steer myself through the bare hallway into the living room. I never feel comfortable saying its mine because that will lead to me losing it. And I've already lost way too much. The apartment I live in reminds me of my old- old life in Abnegation. Bare and gray. I didn't intend it to look this way but I don't have the heart to make it homely.

I only have furniture that is necessary. A naked sofa with a grey quilt, a TV covered by a blanket of dust since it's never been used, a squat rectangular coffee table. The kitchen is as you'd expect it to be. Lifeless. A few counters, a fridge, a stove, a kettle and a table that holds four wooden chairs. I only have five rooms where I live and there all pretty small, there's a select amount of windows. I feel strange being on this side of Chicago while everyone I love is on the other. But I remind myself, like every time I do when I think of them. They left me.

But I left them first.

I was asked if I wanted to live with my mother but I thought I would be best if we both stayed alone for the time being. But that was 3 years ago.

I've been working with my mother in trying to stop the people of the fringe creating havoc and war. Once David died we took over the Bureau and make it into a good thing. We work for hours, even days with no sleep and still nothing has worked. Everyone still had hope. Except me. I lost all of that the moment David's gun went off and a river of blood flooded the flood around me. I've also gone to many lost villages and helped. I've fed the starved, cared for the sick and brought children to the adoptive agency here in the Bureau.

I sit on the hard sofa and bury my face into the quilt. Gathering its itchy fabric into my hands. Its smells of nothing. A tear I never knew was building up in my eyes, falls and darkens the fabric that's balled up in my fists.

I've never managed to get over what's happened. And I never will. But now I know I will see my family again. Even if I don't think I want to. I hate and love them at the same time. I can't forgive what they let happen to me but I do realize I did it to myself, I want to forgive them. I want to so badly. I want to wrap my arms around the tight muscles of Tobias back. Press my cheeks into his chest and hear the powerful beating of his heart. I want to laugh with Christina the way we laughed back when we were innocent, well when she was innocent, during initiation. To my surprise, I want to hear Caleb talk about things that don't matter and watch the way his eyes light up when he speaks.

I'm woken from my daze by the banging that rings through the empty apartment. I put the quilt back in its place and try to clear away the evidence that I was crying as I walk through the dark room to the door.

I don't look up to see who it is until I feel an immense pressure pull me to the ground. I feel as if I'm being attacked. But this person isn't trying to hurt me. Its hugging me. I recognize her straight away. Not from the sound of her calling my name. But of the color of her hair, that's fallen over my eyes.

Christina.

"Oh my God! Tris it's really you! You're alive!"

I don't return the hug, I just tug her hands from her neck and get up. I don't look at her but I can tell she is hurt. Instead, I look at those deep blue eyes that are so comforting. He walks to stand at least six inches away. He's not smiling but has a look of shock, happiness, and terror written all over his face. And before he can do anything else. I lose it.

I put all my weight into this single punch.


	2. Chapter Two

I could tell he didn't see it coming. To be honest I didn't either. I could tell by the hurt behind his eyes after I did it. Before I could do it again two cold hands are wrapped around my arms pulling me away.

Tobias doesn't do anything except stand there holding the part of the face where I got him. Christina jumps up and checks to see if he's okay but he just brushes her of like a moth. They both turn their heads to look at me thrashing against the arms holding me back. I finally calm down and let the hands pull me into the living room. Someone different, that I didn't even know was here, crouches in front of me and I see the gleam of tears over his eyes. My brother reaches his hand out to mine but before he gets there I flinch away, not wanting anyone to touch me. Not even him.

It was my mother's hands to stopped me from attacking Tobias I realise after she exits the room and I hear her, Christina and Tobias arguing. I can't hear the whole conversation since she closed the door. But I can hear their muffled voices for words like.

"Happened?" "Whole time?" "Lier" and "Dead"

After a few more minutes of Caleb just staring at me, I finally land my gaze on him. "What?"

His look of awe changes into a look of guilt. "I- We thought you we dead. I-"

"Well it's obvious you're wrong!" I spit. The words tasting like poison in my mouth.

"I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I should have been the one to die not you."

I almost feel good that's he's hurt. He deserves it. Why didn't he come back for me? "Yeah. This is your fault. I know I did it because I love you and I still do but," a heaved sigh forms in my mouth, " but, I still blame you"

"Beatrice I-" I don't know what he would he would have said since my mother makes her way into the room. Followed my Christina and Tobias. I turn my gaze from my mother to Tobias almost overlooking Christina, but I do I catch her eyes along to way.

"Before you ask. I'm not sorry" I say that with no emotion at all. As if what I had done means nothing. But it means a lot more than nothing. I thought that the first thing my instincts would have done when I first saw him was to throw my arms around his neck and press my lips to his but instead I punched him. I feel a horrible guilt make its way to my words but I push it down. I've had enough sorrys to last me a life time.

"I know" is all he says.

I feel a sharp pinch where a needle goes into my neck.

My mother.

A serum.

I feel my eyelids hang over my eyes and the last thing I see is Caleb, catching me before I crash into him.


	3. Chapter Three

TRIS

I wake to a killer migraine. I groan and begin to sit up when I realise my mother is sitting just inches away. Staring her thoughtful stare.

"What the hell was that for." I try to shout. I really do but it comes out more like a mumble as I fall over my words.

"We couldn't risk you attacking anyone again. That was extremely unnecessary at that moment Beatrice. That murderous look behind your-" I can see she regrets what she said through the way she catches her breath. It was just a few words. But they stung. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. It's just, after these few years I would have thought you to be at least a little happy to see them. I mean your friends."

"Mom I know you're just trying to help. But you've heard me say this before. They looked at my body, thought I was dead and didn't even get me to a nurse. They left me and moved on. There was just a lot of emotions coursing through me. Especially anger so I just flipped. I know this doesn't make sense to you but it does to me. I love them and hate them so I'm going to treat them that way." My voice quavers a little towards the end but I manage to pull through and tell my mom that clear and strong. Well it sounded to me that way.

"Well at least come through to the kitchen and have something to eat. The sharpness of your cheeks tell me you haven't been eating right. Oh and by the way, they didn't just move on." And with that she gets up and leaves me lying in the bed.

Didn't move on? Well I don't actually know if they moved on but I just guessed it because it's just me. I'm easy to move on from.

I do decide to get up but on my way to the kitchen I stop of in the bathroom and hop in the shower. I didn't realise how much I actually smelt to crap. I stand under the hot water letting it become part of me before I actually start to wash. I've not cut my hair since that time in the Amity farms so it's grown just past my shoulders. I run the soap over my body and stop when I see the bullet wound scars just under my tattoo of the three ravens. I haven't clearly taken any notice to my wound scars until now and I don't really know why. Is it because I'm going to see Tobias again? Because I'm going to see him properly, not just to punch him and then get put to sleep.

I get pulled from my thoughts as I feel the water turning cold against my skin. I just stand there for a moment staring at the steam fading off the glass that surrounds me. I suddenly remember the fear simulation. Where I stood in a glass box, almost like my own prison. I remember the water rising around my thighs and creeping up past my belt. I remember Tobias' face as he watched me drown. Stop.

I need to stop.

I jump out the shower and throw on a pair of red Amity jeans that have holes in the knees from being worn too much. They are the only item I own that is not grey or black. I don't know why but I just can't let them go. I'm not sure of most things anymore. I pull on a dauntless jumper that is a size too small for my so it fits tightly around my stomach. I wrap my arms around my waist to hide the line of skin showing from about my jeans. Stupid. I'm not Abnegation anymore. I can show my skin if I want to. I catch a glimpse at myself in the mirror and barely recognise myself. My mother was right my cheeks are not full like they used to be but instead had deflated. I have bags under my eyes that make me look years older. My hair falls in a clumped mess on the sides of my ace. But for the first time, I don't care what I look like. Even when I was in Abnegation I cared what I looked like. But not now.

I walk with bare feet against the warm carpet of the hall and through the living room to the kitchen. As I enter they all turn their heads almost simultaneously. My mother, standing by the stove, probably working away before I came in. Caleb with his skinny fingers wrapped around an untouched coffee mug. Christina whose eyes are still swollen from the lack of sleep and Tobias just staring. No emotion visible. It's as if he placed a blank wall over his eyes so I can't see through them. It makes me feel sick.

I take my seat in the middle of Caleb and Christina. As I pull the chair back it scrapes against the tiled floor and I flinch. I will always hate that sound. We sit in silence and I keep my eyes locked with my hands, not daring to lift my head at all the bird like eyes staring at me. What is it they actually expect from me?

Thankfully it's not me who breaks the silence but my mother, "What would you like darling?" Her voice calm and gentle. Nothing like this morning when I woke.

I clear my throat but I can't hide the fact that I'm shaking all over and I don't know why. Is it anger? Sadness? Relief? "I'm not hungry."

"Eggs and toast it is then." She says as if she never heard me.

I sigh. I can't not look at them any longer so when my mother turns back to cooking I look up from my hands to see a tear run down the left of Caleb's face. He doesn't even bother to wipe it away so I awkwardly use my sleeve to do it for him. I never take my eyes off him because if I do I know I will be the next one to cry. His tear is still warm as I wipe it way. It doesn't leave a visible stain but I know it's there and it was shed for me. I act like I didn't even do it and rest my head on my hands. "How's Chicago?" Stupid. What kind of question was that? The only one I could think of.

I see confusion in his eyes but it only lasts a second before its covered with a fake smile. "Different. But not to different. Factions still exists and Divergents are excepted. If you fail initiation you can choose to go to your faction of origin or a whole new one-"

I cut him off. "I don't care about Chicago. I meant how are you?" I rest my arms on the table and break our eye contact when I sense my mother placing food in front of me. I never realised how hungry I actually was until I take my first bite. It burns my mouth at the start so my tongue stings and it will be like that for a while now but I don't care. I eat like there's no tomorrow.

"I'm okay Beatrice, but," he sighs obviously not wanting to talk about himself. A habit he can't break. "how are you?"

By the end of his sentence I'm finished. I have the worst indigestion possible. It feels as if someone's sitting right on top of me, weighing me down. I push the plate into the middle of the table and glance up at Tobias. I can't look away now. Not with the way he is staring at me. Different from when I first walked in. It's as if he's trying to tell me something but I don't understand although I really want to. "I'm overwhelmed could you say? I mean," I keep on staring at Tobias even though what I'm away to say is directed to them all. I can feel the anger bubbling up inside me, away to explode like a can of soda. "I died. Then I came back and none of you were there. I didn't even know where there was. I was sticky with blood and sweat while sitting in some metal chair. I was scared and I was alone. You never came back for me and what? Now you're here?!"

I notice they all wear the same clothes as the night before and the smell of sweat reaches my nose. I didn't even notice but I'm not on my feet, gripping the table so hard that my knuckles are white. I can feel the blood in my cheeks. I look around the room and still no one answers my question. I actually want to know the answer. Why have they just turned up? I know they thought I was dead but still.

"Well say something!" I single tear streaks down Christina's face leaving a shining trail across her cheek. Seeing that makes more tears spill down my face. I don't bother to wipe them away because I feel frozen.

"I would have come earlier if I knew you were alive." I begin to protest Christina but it's actually Tobias who cuts me off.

"No Tris, you don't get it. I know it must have been terrifying what you went through." He also rises from his chair mimicking my posture even though he is much taller than me. "but it was terrifying for us, me too! I lost you Tris don't you get it. I saw you dead. I squeezed your hand but you didn't squeeze back. Of course I would have come earlier if I knew. I wanted one more smile, one more kiss, one more. But I couldn't get it. And when we found your mother and she told us you were alive I had to come. I had to get you back no matter what. I thought you would be happy Tris but it's obvious you're not! If you want us to go we can, but I won't say I get it!" his words hit me like a boulder. All I do it run to him and press his lips to mine and I'm glad he doesn't pull back.

I completely forget what's happened and who's watching. I realise now that I didn't even know why I was angry. It was stupid to hold a grudge to the people who thought I was dead. I know that now. He cups his hands around my damp face but obviously doesn't care. I run my hands through his hair and notice its longer than I've ever seen it. He has stubble that doesn't suit him and has massive bags under his eyes.

Now this is what I should have done when I first saw him not punch him. How stupid can I get? As I release I hear his voice, not harsh like before but soft and gentle, give out a sigh. I lower down from my tip toes and stare straight into this mesmerizingly blue eyes. I realise I managed to tear down the wall stopping me from seeing him clearly. "I'm sorry." Is all I get to say before I choke on my words. I see the corners of his mouth twitch up into a smile.

I turn from him towards Caleb and pull him into a hug. He stiffens at first from the lack to affection he's been given, but then relaxes into it, tightening his grip around me. I never thought I could say this again but I say it, "I'm okay Caleb. I'm finally okay."

Before I can even walk over to Christina she is already yanking me into a tight embrace. She's gotten stronger over these years. Much stronger. I on the other hand have gotten weaker. I haven't really been to the gym since the first day I got here, but that didn't last very long. I was in there for about 10 minutes before I had another break down. I can hear her whimper against my hair.

It's strange how fast we can adjust to each other's company again. Of course there's still some awkwardness and tension between us but we didn't address it. We sit in the somewhat comfort of the living room and just talk. We never talk of the actual important stuff. Well not until my mother brings it up.

"I really love it how you are all getting on semi- easily again but we really should address the important stuff, right Beatrice?" she blurts it out like she's been holding onto it forever.

I sigh, not wanting to talk about the 'important stuff' which is what happened to us after that day.

"Yeah, you're right," I lie, "My so called death is what you're referring to, isn't it?" I know what the answer is going to be so I curl my knees to my chest and lay my head onto them.

I'm sitting on the sofa next to Christina, with Caleb sitting on the coffee table and Tobias on the window sill. He hasn't really been a part of the conversation but I don't pester him about it. He still needs time to adjust and I get it. When I talk to him it is still more awkward then when I talk to the others. I don't want it to be that way but it just is.

"Of course it is." My mother answers my question that lingered in the air for a second too long.

"I guess it all started when I went into the weapons lab before Caleb," at the sound of me speaking about that night Tobias whips his vision from the frost bitten window to me. "I survived the death serum but it was like walking through hell." I land my vision on the blank TV. "my lungs burned and my knees almost gave way. When I walked out of it he was there. David sitting on his stupid wheelchair, holding a gun. That's when I knew we were busted. I don't remember our conversation clearly but it had something to do with mom." I lift my chin to stare at my mother. Standing next to the sofa, her arms tightly crossed over her body. Rigid but beautiful.

"And the next thing I remember is the blood. So much blood. I felt myself slip away but that was what that fake death serum did. It wasn't death serum but a gas version of that substance Peter used on me back in the Erudite headquarters, just only more intense. It was my mom who came to take me away. I didn't feel as if I were being dragged to death, I felt as though I were floating. I asked if I was done and she said yes, but, that was all a hallucination." I take my gaze back to the TV, knowing that my eyes have become red and my face wet. My voice shakes on the last few words so I grip the quilt laying underneath me to steady my voice. "I woke up, still covered in blood but is dry. I was there for days; they were waiting for me to wake. So when I finally did I only had a few moments to myself before my mother walked in without saying anything and held me hand." I feel a smile crawl onto my face, causing the tears to fall into my mouth. I get a pang of salt but not too much. "the bullets David used weren't real. He knew our plan from the very beginning so he made himself immune to the memory serum before we got to him. But he ended up dying anyway. I wasn't allowed back in Chicago or anywhere near the Bureau. They said it would ruin our mission."

"What mission" I can feel Tobias' eyes on me and so I meet his stare.

"We stopped people from the fringe causing a war. They were blood thirsty and that's the only faction they fitted into to. They wanted to take over Chicago and make everyone like them. They believed that's what we as humans need to be like. They were like the genetically damaged but just much worse. They started going after the children and the Divergent. But we got took them down before they finished what they started. There weren't as many of them as we though. We spent months trying to fix them but Beatrice reminded me that you can't fix who a person is. So we gave up. Their still in custody. We know it's awful but it's the best we could do." I'm glad my mother said this, not me because I also feel like crap for being the person responsible for all those people in the custody.

"But while my mother has been dealing with them, I've been going about the fringes and helping the people there. I didn't want to get involved with the military side of it. Not after everything." I don't take my eyes away from Tobias whose looking at me with so much pity.

"So all the people are gone?" Caleb shifts his position on the table, clearly getting uncomfortable from the number of hours sitting there.

"Most of them yes. But we know there are more but they're just not coming out of hiding." My mother places her hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me but failing. "Not a surprising fact. So while I've been taking control of the ones we do have Beatrice has been helping others. Not a very entertaining life but it's something." She's trying to ease the tension but I don't think anyone is actually taking her on.

"Mom?" I don't think what I'm about to say is what she is going to want to hear. I've known all along that me going into Chicago isn't actually going to ruin the mission. It's my mom that's the real reason I haven't been back and I know it but I don't have the heart to confront her about it. She just didn't want me to get hurt again. "I need to go back to Chicago."


	4. Chapter Four

I wait for my mother's shouting to echo across the room, but it doesn't come. Instead I am greeted with a long sigh and her hand lightly squeezes me shoulder. "I know that's what you think sweet heart and I want you to go home but it's just not safe. There could still be those people lurking about and the people who support the faction system won't welcome you with open arms. You don't deserve to get hurt again Beatrice."

"She won't get hurt. She'll be with me."

"Tobias, I trust you. Well almost but, the last time you told her she'd be okay she fell unconscious in a pool of her own blood."

Hearing my mother say that sends a shiver down my spine. I stare at Tobias and can't help but see the hurt in his eyes. I know he's trying to help but no one can win with my mother. Well no one except me.

"Mother it wasn't a question. It was a fact. I'm going and you can't stop me." I brush her arm off my shoulder and go and sit by Tobias on the window sill. I let my fingers intertwine with his own. His palms are warm but his fingers, not so much. I feel safe when his long, skinny fingers close over my hand. I feel every worry, every piece of hurt I've endured slip away. I see myself on the bed of rocks at the bottom of the chasm. I feel his mouth push down on mine. I can sense the water crashing down around us and hear the cries of it smashing against the rocks.

He gives my hand a light squeeze and I can hear the muffled voices of my mother fighting with the others about me leaving. I know she is just trying to protect me but I'm 19 now and I'm not her baby anymore. I'm a grown woman who needs to live her life.

I rise from the hard surface and pull Tobias with me. The others don't notice me pull him into my bedroom, they're to involved in their little debate. I silently push the door closed until I hear a little click. I turn back around to find Tobias staring out the window, overlooking my old home.

I carefully place my hand onto his shoulder and when he doesn't pull away I lay my head on my hand. We stand in silence for a few short minutes looking over our old life. I can tell that's what he's thinking about. He's remembering the time my small frame smashed into the Dauntless net. The moment where we first touched and he welcomed me to Dauntless. The moment by the chasm where he complimented my appearance even though he might not remember the moment clearly.

I feel his chest rise and fall and his heart thumping in his chest. "I've missed you Tobias."

"Not as much as I've missed you." He pulls my hands around his lower back and takes my face in his hands. The light streaming from the window dims and we are left in near darkness. I close my eyes for a moment longer than I need to and when they open I find his face closer to mine than before. When he speaks I can feel our breaths twisting and feel his lips ever so slightly brush my own. "I'm so glad you're not dead."

His face turns a shade darker from his embarrassment. It may not have been the most romantic thing to say but I appreciate it all the same. "Me too. Over these years my feelings for you have only grown much stronger and whenever I hear your number I feel my heart spring back to life," I sigh. I want to tell him so much more but before I can even begin he is already speaking.

"I nearly took my memories when I thought you were gone. I couldn't handle it. There were so many times where I fell into an empty place and found Christina or Caleb having to drag me out of it." I know he didn't mean literally but I can't help but picture that scene. It causes my stomach to contract. "All I've wanted was for your hands to skim mine again and now that I have it I don't know what to do. I never thought that this is how we were going to be re-united. I thought it would be in years' time after I died, but, I don't have to wait that long."

The realisation of his first words attack me. "You nearly took your memories?"

"Yes." I can tell from how his voice sounds distant and he loses his eye contact with me that's he's ashamed for what he almost did.

"I wouldn't have blamed you. Every day I wanted to forget. Every moment I had without you cut me like a knife."

"Let's not have any of those moments again, please."

"Never."

"Never."


	5. Chapter Five

TOBIAS

It's weird to have her back. After all these years of pain and drawing in my own sorrow, I don't have to drown anymore. We won't go back to what we used to be like, I know that, but we are going to try.

Its been a week since I first saw her and she punched me. She may be small but she has a good punch on her. My bruise is slowly fading but I don't mind. It reminds me that it isn't all a dream, that's she's really alive and breathing.

Natalie has managed to convince Tris to take some time to adjust to us before we go back to the city.

Which is a good thing because there have been these weird moments where she just blanks. She's here but also hundreds of miles away. The worst it's gotten was yesterday.

Her mother was at work so the rest of us went to the city. She showed us how they rebuilt the city that surrounds the compound. Its breath-taking. Buildings with flowers covering them like a soft blanket. I've never seen grass as green as the grass here. People. Real people. Not people in selected colours, not people following different rules. Happy people living happy lives wander the street. Going to work, going to school, where ever they're going they look normal.

She showed us the lake that's at the outskirts of the city. Tris really wanted to show us that place because it was where she would go on important days, her parents wedding anniversary, choosing day.

Caleb and Cristina were skimming rocks across the rippling water while Tris and I were sitting with our bare feet hanging over the rocks edge. It reminded me of the day I took her to the chasm and we had our first kiss. My feet managed to crack through the water buts hers didn't even skim the surface.

It was our first proper awkward silence which was strange but thinking she was dead all this time kind of made having a conversation weird. But we are going to change that.

I was going to break the silence by asking her why she chose the lake when I noticed all her muscles tense and a distant look took over her blue-grey eyes.

"Tris," I lightly shook her shoulder, not wanted to make things worse but she didn't even take me on, "What's wrong Tris?" I could even hear the panic in my voice. She just kept on staring across the lake but now with tears leaking from her eyes. The wind was pushing her now long hair in all directions, causing parts of it to stick to the sweat gleaming from her forehead.

By this time Caleb and Christina were at my aid and trying to wake Tris. It took another couple of minutes but when it happened it happened fast.

I pressed my head against hers, hoping she could hear my thoughts. She let out a scream I've only hear when she was under her fear simulation, but no matter how many times I hear it, it doesn't get any better.

She jerked away from me with too much force and crashed into the freezing water.

There was a moment of utter shock where no one did anything but the sound of Tris coughing and thrashing her arms, trying to stay afloat, pulled me out of my daze.

I grabbed for the first human bodily part I could find and pulled her out of the water. She let out a wince as she toppled onto the grass. That's when I noticed I grabbed her hair.


	6. Chapter Six

TRIS VISION AT LAKE

I'm in the Candor interrogation room. The wind screeches in my ears as it flies through the gaping holes in the walls. All the Dauntless stand around me as I realize I'm the one being interrogated.

It's Tobias interrogating me.

"Did you kill them?"

"Who?"

"Come on stiff," he grabs the sides of my chair, his face barely an inch from mine. "you know who?" a snide smile plays on his face. His blue eyes pouring into mine.

With that everyone I've ever known who are dead emerges from the crowd to face me.

Will, a hole in his head, dripping blood onto is fair eyebrows.

Al.

Lynn.

Uriah.

Eric.

Marlene.

Tori.

My father, blood oozing from multiple shot wounds all over his gray, Abnegation form.

All of them slowly dying in front of me. I feel my knees give way and the same chant plays on repeat over the sound of my own cries.

You killed us, you monster...


	7. Chapter Seven

"Tris! Tris! Come on. Open up!" Tobias pounding against the door wakes me from my nightmare.

I peel the sheet from my head and exhale unnecessarily loudly. I've been having that nightmare play on loop whenever I close my eyes since Tobias arrived.

I don't really want to talk to him. I don't want him to ask me about that vision at the lake. That's the first time I had that dream with my eyes open. So, I've locked myself away in my room, going back to the habit of staring at my blank ceiling.

I swing my legs off the bed and onto the cool floor. I groggily walk over to the pounding door. Frost has begun to creep across my window panes and goose bumps crawl up my bare arms and legs. My hair is thrown into a messy bun since I've not been paying attention towards my looks since the day my family arrived. So, right now, I'm wearing a pair of shorts that graze my bottom and reveals more leg than I've ever seen. I'm wearing the jumper Tobias gave me the day I was nearly killed- the first time. It now smells of lemongrass, a smell that's all too familiar- Al. I shake the thoughts from my head and push myself to open the door.

I immediately regret not sorting my looks. I genuinely look like crap. It's Tobias- he doesn't care. We stand in a relaxing silence, locking each-other's eyes. I take all of him in; sharp angles of his cheekbones and jawline. His shaved jaw that remind me off the old him. His mesmerising blue eyes that allows me to see the worry and relief cloud his pupils. The muscles of his arms stand out immensely under his thin t-shirt as he grips the sides of my door, holding me in. I notice the slight bruise emanating from his skin that creates a rush of guilt to course through me.

"Oh no! You've got me! I'm not in some unknown land of Beatrice." I stand in mock surrender, sarcasm dripping from every word.

A nervous chuckle escapes his lips but as soon as I join in his real laugh shines through. He takes his hands from the door to relax at his sides. As another moment of silence sits between us- simultaneously we drip each-other in a tight embrace. I tuck my chin under the crook of his neck, laying my cheek against his chest, the firm beating of his heart comforts me.

"I'm okay." I melt further into his body. "I'm fine."

"I know." Is all he says. He takes his hands from the small of my back and cups them around my hips. His stare is so intent- powerful. It engulfs me. "It's time to go home Tris."


	8. Chapter Eight

The ride back to Chicago started smooth and pain-free, I didn't even notice Caleb and Christina stop speaking.

As we get nearer to home, breaths come and go quickly and my hands feel clammy with sweat.

It's midday and since we're sitting in the back of one of the Bureaus old trucks the icy air keeps causing my whole body to shiver despite the fact I'm still sweating.

The silence is painful and awkward. Christina probably feels the same since she turns to Caleb and asks, "Candor or Dauntless?"

"What?" he wears his confusion like a mask and an amused smile creeps from her lips to her eyes.

"It's like truth or dare. Candor or Dauntless."

"Chris, he's Erudite. He won't pick what you want him to." I interject with a pointed tone.

"You don't know." She jokes but a realization hits me. I feel my face fall while Christina's face turns into confusion. "I-I'm sorry. I- um. I didn't mean to upset you Tris, I'm sorry."

I look down at my red hands clasped on my lap. "No Christina, you're right. I don't know. I almost fully convinced myself that we could go back to life before but, everything I know has probably changed. How did I think I could do this?" I say the last part so quietly I'm surprised they can hear me over the wind.

"Tris," Tobias places his callused hand on my thigh. I look up into his eyes and my breathing settles to a steady pace, "It's going to be okay. You're gonna come home to Dauntless and you're gonna be able to see Caleb. You're going to adjust. I promise."

"Okay." I smile, not believing him or myself 100%, but he just smiles back.

"If you two are going to have a quick make-out session, do it already," Chris asks impatiently, raising her eyebrows while crossing her arms and legs.

We all laugh, including Caleb. I lean in and give Tobias a quick peck on the lips. I feel his smile grow even wider as my lips touch his. I turn to find Chris using Caleb for support while fake puking which makes me laugh even harder.

"All right Chris, that's enough. We don't want you actually puking on us."

We try to regain our posture with Chris letting out little hiccups. "I- can't ke-ep any prom-ises." Chris always cries when she laughs so she wipes tears from under her eyes.

I take Tobias' hand as the conversation rides off on a relaxed route. They told me about how they found my mother just outside the Amity farms. They said it was Johanna who spotted her first. My mother didn't want to tell them about me but she just let it slip. I can't believe that she would keep me a secret from them.

They told me that the whole of Chicago voted to keep the factions but get rid of 'Faction before Blood.' All the factions have a part of the government. They all have a say. Since almost all of the Abnegation died in the war, they got one of the old leader's daughters, Lisa Sinclair to take over Marcus' role. Cara is a leader of the Erudite, Johanna of Amity, Jack Kang of Candor. They don't have one main leader for Dauntless like Max was because there are lots of people eligible so they just have a lot of leaders.

Chris and Tobias think that Dauntless will want me as a leader alongside Tobias. I don't. I'm not fit to be a leader but we'll just have to wait and see what happens over time.

"I thought you didn't like leading." I am genuinely curious about this. What made him change his mind?

He clears his throat while connecting our gaze's. "Well, I rejected the offer at first since I was to over taken by grief. But Christina with her Candor mouth persuaded me to take the job. It took my mind off the pain during the days. I get to lead the Choosing Ceremony this January. So, yeah."

I pull him into a hug, feeling his breaths run down my neck. "Tobias. I am so proud of you. I knew you had this in you." Pulling back, I give him a friendly punch on the chest. He rubs it, faking to be hurt.

"Ow, that really hurt Tris."

"Seriously," crossing my arms, a grin spreads across my face, "I'm sure we've already discussed this. You are a terrible liar."

We hold a challenging gaze for a moment before we break into real fits of laughter.

"We're here!" the driver calls from the front cutting our laughter like a knife.

He's right.

We are face to face with the wall that separates me from home.


	9. Chapter Nine

I was right about everything. Everything about Chicago. Everything has changed. Well, almost everything. The faction headquarters are the same but the run-down sectors have all been renovated. But I notice as we make our way, walking from the fence into the main part of the city, that the old Ferris Wheel is still there.

Tobias' doing.

"I made sure Lisa would keep it there so I would always have a piece of what we had." Tobias noticed me staring and pulled me closer. Holding me as if it were his last.

"It's our little secret," I whisper softly into his ear, causing him to shiver and slightly turning his cheeks a little pinker.

I silently laugh and he returns with a smile. I turn my attention back to the new scenery enclosing me.

The pier has been glossed over and is lined with ice-cream, toys and many other stores for a purpose I don't know.

"Who uses them?"

"Everyone," he lightly laughs, "well everyone expect the Abnegation, of course."

"Of course." I roll my eyes a tiny part, remembering how selfless those people are. I was once one of them. But never selfless enough.

The old rotting buildings have been bulldozed and replaced with sparkling grass. Trees, which are full of life, stand in groups. The sound of their singing is music to my ears, turning the iciness to heat.

The songs are interrupted by the common roar of the trains screeching along the rails. I notice the tracks have been de-rusted with a few layers of fresh paint.

While buildings outside the main area are now demolished the ones on the inside are all new. The windows- gaping holes are now reflecting the winters sun into my eyes while the bricks are a standing like a strong soldier, firm and unmoving.

Even though the factionless were given a chance to join a faction, some still wander the streets. Underfed, extremely dirty but with smiles on their faces. They must love being apart of society.

Death or Factionless?

I used to think death would be better than becoming factionless, but now that I've kind of experienced both I would prefer the latter.

Tobias told me that the Abnegation are still taking care of them and that brings memories; when I was merely 10, giving food and support to the street wanders. The day of my aptitude test, giving the older man the bag of apples, him asking so many questions.

I have so many questions and so few answers even though I've been told so much.

"Why are the factions still here?"

"Are the initiations the same?"

"If you're Divergent, how big a deal is it?"

Before I know it, we are walking along the roof of the Dauntless compound. Edging slowly towards the hole that made me Dauntless. I lean over the ledge remembering everything that happened that day.

Blood on coals.

Heavy breathing.

Rita's body.

One. Two. Three

Peters Stiff jokes.

The feeling of my stomaching lurching before I took the jump.

The jump.

I breathe in the cold air, Goosebumps rising around my body. I set my feet firmly on the ledge, looking over the gaping hole again. Closing my eyes as a smile crawls its way onto my face. I relax every part of my body as I let myself go.

I feel gravity taking charge. Bringing me closer to the landing. My hearing is muffled my the sound of the wind and my hair going haywire.

All the air suddenly gets knocked out of me, forcing my eyes to open. No matter how many times I do that, that landing is still going to take my breath away.

I can finally hear Chris and Tobias cheering and Caleb's questions about what I just did. I stifle a groan from the lack of air as I roll off the net. Too bad Tobias didn't come first, he could have caught me. But once the first jumper.

Always the first jumper.

I hear Caleb's piercing scream, pulling myself to my feet to help him across. I can't contain it. The sound of him screams almost deafens me but sends a laugh straight out of me. I reach my arm across the net giving him something to hold onto. He hops down at a loss for air.

"Y-you do this," he takes a massive gulp, resting in arms on his knees, "when?!"

"Choosing Ceremony day." I laugh, poking him in the stomach, "What too much for you?"

"No. it's just I would never have thought- actually Dauntless do like their extravagant entrances."

"Yes, yes they do my dear friend." Chris is sitting at the edge of the net reaching her arm out for Caleb to take, "Now can you please help me off?"

"Seriously Chris? How quiet can you get?"

"Never as quiet as me." His voice makes my eyes instantly draw to his. My eyebrows raise questioning how silent they are. "We do this a lot," hops down and walks off like it's nothing and calling over his shoulder, "Just so you know. Now move first jumper!"

I shake my head, hiding my grin whilst following him down numerous hallways with Chris and Caleb behind me. I quickly reach him and grab his hand which he snatches away. I freeze and pout my lip hoping he was just joking.

Which he was.

He cracks up laughing, taking my hand, "You should have seen your face. Before that weird sad dog thing, you looked-" I cut him off with a playful hit, tinted with a slight annoyance.

The dim hallways make a pathetic excuse of lighting the halls and the smell of blood, sweat, and Dauntless cake linger in the air. Although we've gone underground, I feel as if the air got even clearer.

After walking for a while I can hear voices being raised but muffled by the walls, and the distinct scream of the chasm. I never realized I missed it this much.

I slow down at these noises as Chris and Caleb walk through the doors into the Pit. "Hey, Tris. Come on. Everyone's been waiting for you." Tobias notions towards the doors which jerk me from my thoughts that no one is going to be happy I'm alive. No one.

I shake the thought from my mind as Tobias pushes the door open, leading me into the mobbed crowd. There are dozens of men and women, all dressed in black or extremely dark colors with tattoo's covering some of them. I've never seen it this crowded before.

As we squeeze our way through the crowd I feel eyes staring me down, burning into my skin. I hate the attention while most Dauntless would love it. I hear my name being mentioned in conversations and see from my peripheral vision, people pointing and whispering. A heavy weight sinks into my chest, worming its way around my lungs.

Tobias reaches for my hand again without looking back at me, but still, I take it, needing him to keep my steady.

When we reach the center of the pit after what feels like hours of walking, a strangled gasp escapes my throat, I see two people who I thought I would never, under any circumstances see again:

Uriah.

Will.

I feel my knees give way but Tobias is luckily there to catch me, like always. Everyone is now watching the scene in front of them, enjoying reading my life like a book.

I wait till I'm back on my feet, blinking tears from my eyes before I speak. "How? Y-you guys are dead," my voice is getting creakier and my breathing heavier, "but I-I don't g-get it."

Will and Uriah don't say anything, instead, they give each other a look, that tells me they are communicating without words. Out of nowhere they wrap me in a warm embrace.

I tense all over, not confusion taking control of my muscles, but I finally relax yet I still have no idea how these people are alive. But I'm glad they are.

"It's not a show, move your asses." I can see Chris ushering the onlookers away. I stifle a small laugh that sounds more like a sob, causing the two undead boys hugging me to keep a firm grip but stare at me with anxious eyes. The laugh comes out clearer and soon enough we are all laughing. Too much then that's needed.

"It's okay Tris. We're okay." Will calming voice makes me believe him.

They lead me from the jostling crowd, taking me to my old initiation dorm. I notice Edwards old blood stain from where Peter stabbed him with a butter knife.

Peter, Great.

There is hardly anything different except the different names on the rankings board. The dim lighting shadows the corners while rocks peel from the walls. Chris told me no one gets kicked out of initiation expect if extremely necessary but they still have the ranking to show your progress.

Without even thinking I slump down on my old bunk, gripping to the ruffled duvet, turning my knuckles white. "Tell me what's going on. Don't sugar-coat it." I look and notice it's not just me and the two boys but us, Tobias, Caleb, Chris, Amar, George, Zeke, Shauna, Hana, Mathew and Cara. A whole crowd.

Will and Uriah come and sit on the bunk in front of me while the others stand, almost awkwardly at the entrance of the room. They both have mixed expressions on their faces, happy, nervous, glad and others I can't identify. "Tris, you were tricked, all of you, into thinking we were dead. But David kept us at the Bureau to use us against you but he never needed us. I wasn't there as long as Will since he only died a few months after. So, when he died we came back here." The only time I've ever seen Uriah with this electrifying look in his eye was when someone close to him died.

"So, you've been here." I turn to the others, anger rushing through my veins, my voice rising, "And you knew," thrusting an accusing finger to Tobias, Chris and Caleb, who have ashamed looks written all over them. How could they keep this from me? I still get nightmares about these two boys.

That's when I realize what's going to happen. I jump from the bed, about to dart out of the room when I feel a force pull be back. Wills smooth hand is wrapped around my wrist, holding with such force it almost hurts. He sees the discomfort in my eyes and immediately let's go. "Tris. Please." I just shake my head, not daring to open my mouth and run to the exit, across the stone floor that mimics the sound of my running feet. I push past people, having to get to the door. People call my name but I can't hear them clearly. I reach for the handle when I can't keep it in any longer.

I puke. It's disgusting. I've always hated it, doesn't everyone? I remember when I was ill in Abnegation; lying in the itchy, gray fabric of my durt, puking into a bucket while my mother says shoothing words in her sing-song voice.

I begin to regain balance by gripping the jagged wall for dear life. Breathing becomes quicker as black spots cloud my vision. I puke again, feeling my abdominals clench too tightly. My breakfast wasn't big enough for anything else so it's just bile with makes the tightening in my stomach worse. The bile stings my esophagus on its way out my mouth.

I feel a pair of firm hands grips me by my upper arms but I never get to know the hand's owners as the darkness owns me. For now.


	10. Chapter Ten

TOBIAS

She goes limp in my grasp. I knew it would be hard but I never thought it would lead to her fainting. "That was too much for her. We should have waited. She just got back, she's just getting used to the new Chicago." I lifted her us bridal style, staring down at her. She looks so pale but so peaceful. She is so beautiful.

I walk through the dim hallways until I reach the infirmary, I can't take my eyes off her. I won't do it. I'm glad none of the others followed me. I just want it to be us too. Even if she is unconscious.

They place her in a small room at the end of a short hall. I've been in here plenty of times. I recognize the white walls that are the opposite of the compound. I recognize the twitching light just above Tris' room.

They told me to wait for them to get her changed and run a few tests. I protested, holding her closer to my body but I knew deep down that she needs to be checked on, even if she just fainted. It hurt to let her go.

I slowly walk to her room, expecting her to be awake. But when I slowly open the door, cringing at the creaking of its hinges, she's still asleep.

The pale blue blankets tries to warm her small frame whiles she's lying in a paper-thin gown. The nurse told me that her stress levels shot up at the sight of Will and Uriah, and they said that she's underweight which also played a part of the fainting.

I slide my palm into her freezing one, flinching at her cold hand in mine. Looking at her now, I realize the nurse is right. Her arms are bony, all muscle went which amazes me since her punch still hurt. The cheeks are sharp and hollow while she has black bags under her eyes.

I sit there for a while not noticing a nurse with bright pink hair and a sleeve tattoo walk in and start talking to me. She shakes my shoulder, breaking my gaze off Tris. "Four, did you hear me?" Her voice is soft compared to her strong build. Seeing her next to Tris, you would never have thought that they belong to the same faction. I look into her eyes, they're a piercing green and there is a thick coat of black around her eyes.

"Sorry, no," I say flatly.

She sighs, taking her hand off my shoulder. As she walks to the door I quickly grab her wrist. "wait, how is she?"

"She'll be fine. I just came to see how you are. I know everyone thought she died. It must be hard for you."

I drop her wrist and stare back at Tris. I can feel the nurse looking at me, looking at Tris. "I'm so happy she is okay. But why would the Bureau think her coming back would ruin their mission, I never believed that. I just wanted her back. That's all I wanted."

"You just wanted her back." Her voice is sad and it makes me want to comfort her. "You, know. I lost someone too in that war. My brother and my husband. Daniel, I don't know if you would have known him. He was a transfer from Candor. He was Divergent and that's what got him killed. I just wish I could have saved him but since I was under the s-simulation, I couldn't. A-and t-hey made-made me w-watch." I turn to see her in tears and have an urge to comfort her. I pull her into an embrace, her tears soaking my shirt. I've never been the comforting type but seeing the look in her eyes, the look we both share, the look of having lost too many people, I had to comfort her.

I never said anything, I just let her cry. After about 5 minutes, my shirt is soaked and her make-up is streaking down her face. "I-I should go." She speaks through hiccups, but before I could saw anything, she turns her back and slumps out the room.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Tris

He really does look like crap. It sends a guilty feeling through my body. I just wish I could back the clocks to the night I died, I wish we could have at least gotten a proper goodbye. I know it doesn't matter now but that's what he deserved.

It's going to be different this time. I am not going to let anything hurt him because I love him. He mends me, now I'm going to mend him.

"I'm so sorry, Tris." He looks at me with sorrow. I don't want sorrow. I want his eyes to gleam with happiness.

"Hey," I place a reassuring hand on his toned arm, feeling his skin on mine gives me strength, "Tobias it is not your fault," my voice shifts to be firm so it gets through his brain, "It's mine. I should have fought harder to come back. I was the one who wasn't strong enough to handle that. Please, please, please don't blame yourself," I'm pleading now, "You don't deserve that."

I know he heard me and for a time I get lost in his mesmerizing gaze until he tucked a stray hair behind my ear. His eyes begin to glisten while he lets out a choking sob. I see a tear fall down his face, down his jaw, and onto his jeans.

Seeing him like this kills me. Trying to be strong right now fails, I lose it and throw myself onto him. My arms wrapping around his neck. He lets himself melt into me yet as he hugs me a sense of caution still linger around him.

Tears stream down my face and land on his shirt. I notice it is a little damp with tears that I'm guessing have been there for a while, but I decide not to mention it. There is a lot of emotions going around Chicago now. I dig my face into the crease of his neck and catch a glimpse of his back tattoo.

I feel hot tears land on my paper-thin gown but I don't care, I'm just glad he can be this open with me. I wish we could stay like this forever, protected and calm in each other's embrace. I hope he feels the same.

I swallow my tears and pull back. I rest my hands on his shoulders to stabilize me. I instantly want to be wrapped in his arms again, he's like a magnet. I try to muster a smile but my bottom lips continue to tremble.

"I'm going to tell you everything now. You're not gonna like it but I have to tell you, okay?" he just nods. I press my body into a crossed leg position while he sits at the edge of the bed, gripping my hand.

I bite my lip to stop the trembling, reluctant to tell my story. "Well remember, the time we did it." He cracks a small smile and nods. "yeah so- um. When I woke up after David shot me and after my mom explained everything began to get sick. We thought it was just a side effect of the serums and the wounds so we thought nothing of it. But I started getting more hungry and then I missed my period. I was pregnant Tobias. I was so happy when I found out. I had a little piece of you with me. I started to beg the Bureau to come back and they reluctantly agreed. I was 12 weeks and started to show. But on the morning, we were supposed to come I woke up covered in blood. I screamed for my mom but I was too late. My baby died. O-our b-baby." I break down into massive sobs with tears staining my gown. My breaths come quicker and his grip on mine let's go. My hands begin to twitch when I notice him silently wiping tears from his eyes. I cower away from the pain and put my head in my hands. My body shakes and I can't stop it. No matter how hard I want to comfort him I just can't. my face is a sea of tears and it's difficult to breathe. I feel bile rise in my throat but I swallow it. I rub my eyes and trying to compose myself again but be pulls me into a hug. I feel so small in his arms.

My heart races against his chest, he pulls my hair from my face, cupping my face in his hands. "hey, hey. Look at me." I refuse to look at him, knowing I will find a tear soaked Tobias. "Tris please, just look at me." I try not to look at him, I really do but I'm not strong enough. My eyes meet his. "You're okay. We are okay. Please don't feel alone. I'm always her. I will always be there for you."

Even more, tears glide silently out of his eyes as water glides across the ocean. I need to be strong. I can't cower from this pain. It will only make it worse for him and me.

I take an audible gulp and lift my head out of his hands. "I need to tell you the rest."

"More? How can there be more?"

"It's about the times I blank out." I force the words out between soft sobs. All the words eventually spill like water from a glass. "It's like I'm having a nightmare. I see things I Hope I'll never have to see. The time at the late I saw all our friends, all the ones I love, in the Dauntless cafeteria. Everything was great, no one was dead. Not even Al. I looked up from my-my food and everyone w-was slowly bleeding t-to d-eath. Everyone except Peter, Jeanine, and Eric. I was covered in blood as they were screaming at me telling me how it was an m-my fault. Y-you were there i-it was horrible." The last parts are barely comprehensible as I fall into his open arms.

"You're not in a nightmare anymore Tris. You're safe in my arms. If they ever come back I'll fight them off with my bare hands."


	12. Chapter Twelve

I've been stuck inside Tobias' Dauntless apartment for the past week. I've put the weight back on and since I've taken medication, my visions have not come back.

But it's now getting boring. They put me on bed rest so my mind is always in deep thought, about, well everything. I just sit in the overly warm blanket, boring my soul by staring into space. I just can't wait to live normally again, I just can't.

I jerk back as I hear the door bang closed.

Tobias is home.

I can hear him take his shoes off and I can tell he's walking to the bedroom door. He almost soundlessly knocks, "Tris?"

"Hey." I give him a genuine smile, feeling my eyes crinkle. I twiddle my cold thumbs, not taking my gaze off him as he comes to sit by me. He breaks my thumbs contact by taking my hands in his.

"Are you okay?" His question flies from one ear to the other, as I just stare into his glimmering eyes. His callused hand waving in front of my face make me jump. He breaks into laughter and the sound of him catching his break makes me laugh too. "Are you okay, Tris?" His laughing tone and serious tone differ massively.

"No, I'm really not," I sigh. His eyes show immediate concern while his grip on my hands tighten. I've got him. "I can't do this anymore, Tobias. It's killing me." I leave my words suspended in the air for longer than I need too. I tilt my head back, making a huge exaggeration of what I'm about to say. "I'm just- I-I'm just... so bored." I lose my control at the end and laughter slips from my lips.

"You're a devious player with words, Six." He smirks. My face drops in realization to what he just said.

"You did it!" I throw myself at him, taking us off the bed and onto the wooden floor. His smell makes me feel safe, his touch electrifies me and knowing I will never lose him makes my cheeks hurt from the grin sewn on my face. His blue eyes glisten with amusement and happiness. No sadness at all.

"Of course I did it." As quick as lightening his flipped us around. His toned body is holding my down and his face is right on top of mine. "Did you doubt me, Beatrice Prior?" The sound of my real name kicks in the force I have. I spring from under him, stand up and grab his face in mine before he even has time to think.

"How could I doubt you, you the legendary Four?" I go to kiss him, craving his soft lips on mine, but before he gets there, as fast as I did, he picks my up and dumps me on the bed.

"You can't doubt me Tris, so you should believe me when I say. You can't get out of bed yet."

The smile on my face melts away into the disappointment. I panic. I need to convince him I can leave this prison of a bed. "Listen, I'm fine," he almost silently scoffs so I grab his arm, daring him to look at me and of course he does, "I'm being purely honest. I've eaten so much I can barely move anyway. Just let me be free Mr. Eaton." And with that, I drape my arm across my forehead and flop into the mattress.

"Fine," He gives in reluctantly, "But if you do anything. I mean anything to change my thoughts. I will literary drag you back up here okay, instructor?" I bolt back into his strong embrace. Us, sinking into each other. I've never loved anyone like this. Not even family, but he is family now and always will be. I will not break what we have again, never, ever.

Hey! BTW today I just feel like postig a bunch of chapters on this story so I hope you guys don't mind!


	13. Chapter Thirteen

A/N

HEY GUYS. I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW YOUR OPINIONS ON MY STORY AND WRITING. I DON'T WANT TO WRITE A STORY YOU GUYS DON'T ENJOY!

TRIS

I am so excited to start training the transfers this year. It's the beginning of January and the Choosing ceremony is coming up this week

Tonight is the first night that I will get out of this lonely apartment. Lonely when Tobias isn't there, of course. I'm over the moon at the fact that he managed to convince the other leaders to allow me to train so early into my arrival but Tobias being Tobias, made it work. He was called to an emergency leader meeting about half an hour ago. I haven't spoken to anyone except him this past week. Others have left little messages though and it's extremely weird when some are signed by Will or Uriah.

I'm standing in front of the bathroom mirror adjusting my final look; ripped black jeans, loose t-shirt, exposing my tattoo's and my ancient combat boots. I defiantly need new ones but I'm not rushing to throw these out anytime soon. I tighten my hair into a ponytail and head to the cafeteria. Tobias told me to meet him there.

I don't know how I feel without him supporting me past all the stares. I sense them whispering about my untimely demise. I still have the trait about hating attention so I try to loom in the shadows if I can, staying clear of everyone's path. After what feels like forever, I muster the strength to go into the cafeteria.

As soon as I go in, it's like someone's pressed pause. All noise ceased to exist, eyes are staring this way with bodies remain frozen. It's kind of hysterical really. It just came back from the dead. It's happened before, what's so special about me?

I almost run over to my friend's tables, catching eyes with some people I recognize; Lauren. Bud. Others from initiation training. I feel a lump gather in my throat as he catches my eye. Peter. Peter, sitting at my table. I stop in my tracks, his eyes in mine. But his eyes are different, kinder even. He sees me stop as confusion covers his face. Memory serum.

I shake my head and extend my hand to his, smiling at his change. Out of my peripheral vision, I can see my friend's shoulders relax as I start a fresh with the man who tried to kill me. Not just once. "Hey, I'm Tris." Confusion is taken by realization. He gently takes my hand, shakes it and the apologies fly out his mouth.

"Oh my god, Tris. I am so sorry. I know I don't remember everything but some of it is back and I am so sorry. You must forgive me. I am so different now, I can feel it!" He hasn't stopped shaking my hand, the gentle grip turned into almost pleading. I look at him with understanding and it contorts into laughter. No one else is laughing so I immediately stop. I take my hand from his and place it on his shoulder.

"Peter, I forgive you. I always kind of have." I smile genuinely. It's not all a lie because I haven't had a lot of time over these few years to hold a grudge against him. I always thought of my friends. He smiles, a smile I've never seen from him. It's always been a smirk. It makes me happier that we'll be friends, safer.

I notice it's still silent and I can't take it. Dauntless is not silent! I jump from the bench, creating a screeching sound as I do it. "All right, that's it! I am sick of you all looking at me! It's either pity or disgust and it's just plain bull. Yes! I was thought to be dead but no! I am not dead! Get it?" No one answers, I just get looks of utter shock. Some people mouths are actually open. Hey, they didn't expect that of a small Stiff now did they? "Good! Now if you will excuse me I want to eat dinner with my friends without your annoying stares! Stop staring!" I grunt, falling into the chair, heaving out a breath. A pair of mesmerizingly blue eyes catch mine on my way down, a smirk gathering onto his face, transferring a smile onto mine.

I stare at the metal table, hearing the soft murmurs turn into loud clattering and the thuds of movement. This is Dauntless. A hand on my shoulder brings my eyes to his. I chuckle alongside him while he plops into the seat next to me. I look from him to my friends, searching for specific ones. Their eyes latch onto mine and I throw myself out of my chair and at them, burying my head in the crook of their necks. I let out a few tears of joy, feeling their body heat combine with mine. Knowing they're not dead fills a hole in my heart. "You're okay. I'm so happy." I pull away. Uriah and Wills hand firmly around my waist. I wipe the tears from my eyes, searching my brain for words.

"Sorry, Tris but I'm happier at the thought of Dauntless cake."

"Had to ruin the moment didn't you, Uriah," Zeke calls from behind him. I hiccup during my fits of laughter and scruff up Uriah's thick hair.

He swats my hand away, giving me the death glare. "Don't you ever touch my prized possession again. Hear that Trissypoo?"

I scrunch my eyebrows in disgust towards the name but it being Uriah, I let it slide. I just roll my eyes at his girlish traits. "Of course," I take a curtsey, pause at the depth and look up through my eyelashes, "Your Majesty."

After hours of just talking, learning about each other's lives, I can feel sleep pulling me its way. I nearly fall from Wills lap. He catches me just in time before handing me to Tobias. He cradles me bridal style, waving goodbye to the others. I just manage to lift my hand in an attempt of a wave before darkness consumes me.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

TOBIAS

Walking through the dim hallways I don't dare take my eyes off Tris. Holding her angelic frame tight against my flat stomach, her breaths heating a patch of my chest. I'm careful not to bash her tiny feet off the crumbling walls as I turn the corner to the hallway of my apartment.

I loved seeing her laugh and do normal things with her friends, not faint whenever she sees them. I've been so worried about her for the past few weeks that I haven't faced the fact that I'm still a fraction angry. I mean, she 'died'. I was drowning in pain for three years. She didn't come back. But that wasn't her choice, a voice in the back of my mind tells me.

I haven't dared to mention the pregnancy since she told me. I know it'll have an awful effect but the fact that she didn't tell me sooner stings.

Ugh, I have so many emotions about this right now. Angry, relief, happiness, worry. I am so worried she won't be the same. I am so worried she will leave and fall into someone else's love. I am so worried she'll hate me, but I don't know why she would. Because you didn't try to save her, you believed her dead. I push the feelings away, concentrating on the beauty that is my girlfriend.

I push the door as silently as I can, praying not to wake her. I gently lower her into the soft mattress, the pillows form her hair into a blonde halo. The past three years have taken a toll on her, her beauty has stayed strong but her actions are more tired. So, I'm giving her all the rest she needs.

I creep into the bathroom and splash my face with warm water, washing all the stress away. I stare at the version of myself in the mirror, I see deep bags under my eyes, with stress lines appearing, my hair is dripping with water while my eyes are the same. No matter what happens my eyes are still the deep blue that captivates women. I hate that it does that, I only have eyes for Tris. I remember these eyes when I wore grey, never looking for attention. I remember these eyes when I began to wear black. I remember these eyes looking into the grey-blue eyes at the bottom of the chasm, my eyes being drawn to her since the beginning.

I break the gaze I keep on myself, turning my back to the mirror, leaning against the sink. I concentrate on my breaths. Inhale, Exhale. Inhale, Exhale. I feel the magnet inside my veins pull me to my sleeping girlfriend and I don't dis-obey.

I wrap her arms around my body not letting her go. I feel the lids of my eyes hang as I remember I need to tell Tris something but I forget, I just let sleep consume me.

TRIS

I wake up to the sound of his breathing against my ear and his muscular arms wrapped around my waist. I feel myself losing breaths from the lack of freedom, so I wiggle free, hoping not to wake him.

I dart to the bathroom, stumbling along the way. I slam the door behind me, too loudly. I lean against it, faintly hearing Tobias wake. Just like lightening he moves to the door. "Tris, are you okay?" I breathe deeply, burying my head in my hands.

"Mmhm. I just forgot to take my tablets last night." I've been given anti-depressants. No, I don't have depression but it's something like that, an anxiety disorder, too many things at once takes a toll on my body. So many thoughts are zooming through my mind right now. I just want to knock them out, I just want them done. There's a light thump on the opposite side of the door as Tobias places his forehead on it.

I turn around, knowing I can trust him and open the door a crack. He nearly stumbles but automatically regains structure. He digs his hands through his pockets and brings out one of the tablets. It's pure white with a little line through it. I bring it to my mouth, making sure my eyes are trained on my hand, bring it to my mouth and let it slide down my oesophagus. His hand is hovering under my chin until he uses it to tilt my head, causing my eyes to line with his. He raises his eyebrows in question, awaiting my answer.

I feel my body relax and nod slightly, pursing my lips in frustration towards myself. Why do I let it get that far? He was only giving me a hug. I bite my lower lip and do what I've been waiting to do. I grab his neck, forcing his lips on mine. He quickly kisses me with so much passion it's electrifying. The way his hands find the small of my back, bringing me to my tip-toes. I race my hands through his bed hair, breathing his air. Wrapping my legs around his, he leads me to the bed. He catches his feet together, an action I've never seen him do, and falls with me to the bed but he doesn't even acknowledge it. He brings his lips to my cheekbone, my jaw, neck, collarbone, the three crows. I feel him trace the line of skin between my top and bottoms, knowing where this will go.

I push him away, sitting with my arms protectively around myself. I can't bear bring my eyes to his so I keep them locked with a bundle of dust that has gathered at the corner of the room. "Tris?" his voice echoes through the now quite room. " Tris, I'm not going to hurt you. I am so sorry I made you think that. It's just... I've missed this feeling."

"Me too." I find the strength to raise my eyes and tell him how I feel, "It's just that the last time we did something like this, it led to... well you know." I can't talk about the baby because I know it will bring more tears and heartbreak. We haven't talked about it since the day I told him because we thought we should do it once I'm stronger and now that I am, I still can't find it in me to tell him. His eyes turn glassy with tears and he just nods in reply.

'What a way to kill the mood, well done stupid.' I face palm myself and hear him chuckle. I flash my gaze to him in confusion.

"You were thinking out loud. Again." I feel a smile tug at the corners of my mouth and let it overtake the frown. I laugh alongside him until it dies to silence and lasts for a few not painful, but calm minutes. His face goes emotionless suddenly and he breaks the silence. "I have something I need to tell you." He sits with me on the bed and I brace myself for the worst. I clench my hands into fists not wanting to show how much they are shaking. "One of the leaders died yesterday. That's why there was an emergency meeting. We were discussing his funeral arrangement but we then addressed the fact that we're one leader down. So, we are having a meeting tonight in the Pit."

"Okay, but I don't understand why you are so worried about this."

He sighs, "Well this was brought up by someone else not me. It totally caught me off guard but I thought you needed to know." Oh no. He looks anxious now. "Some of the leaders want you to replace John, the one who died." I sense my face slacken. Me? A leader? Really?

I'm lost for words and Tobias picks up on that. "I told them I would ask you but everyone still needs to vote. If you don't want to do it just say. You've been through more than anyone your age should ever go through. They understand that. You don't have to."

"I'll think. It might be cool." I can tell he's on edge about this and to be honest, so am I. But it could be an amazing opportunity for me, I would be able to interact with people from other factions more than if I don't take it and that's something I want. But it could be the stupidest thing ever, I could have a complete meltdown. At least I have until tonight to figure things out.

"Come one, let's get cleaned up then something to eat. I'm starving." I hop off the bed with a sigh and make my way to the bathroom.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

TRIS

The day goes by in blur, I can't stop worrying about the leaders meeting. There are so many pros and cons, my brain gets so muddled.

While Tobias was at work I decided to stay in and clean up the place. It was really dirty. Dust coated everything while massive pile of clothes was left in the corner of the room. The bed sheet was scruffy and the shower was dingy. It was barely recognisable once I was finished.

So, for the last half an hour I've been sitting, bouncing my knee, willing time to go faster and to my luck it does. My the time the clock hits 6pm I basically run to the cafeteria. I get my dinner and to the table fairly quickly, sharing out a few hellos. Tobias isn't here yet and that's because he's with the other leaders.

I hardly even touch my dinner or talk to my friends around me. But when Will's voice beckons me, I look up. "What?"

His eyebrows scrunch together in worry, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah- yeah. I'm fine, just tired." I lie, it escapes my lips fairly easily. Everyone seems convinced except Chris.

"Hey Tris, what's wrong. "Her hand finds mine on the table and her eyes are genuinely worried.

I open my mouth to reply but before words leave my throat, Tobias instructor voice, booms through the cafeteria, electrifying my veins. So, the words are left, abandoned in my mouth.

"Welcome Dauntless!" Only those two words cause an eruption of cheers. "We are here to vote on a new leader after the death of John. John was an amazing man. Full of bravery and loyalty. To let's raise our glasses in celebration to him." And we do.

"John! John! Jo-hn! Jo-hn!" His name fades into a mumble after a while of calling it. I don't drink from my glass; I just leave it full in my hand. The brownish liquid swaying from side to side.

"But now it's time for you, fledged members of Dauntless to choose your new leader!" Tobias breaks the mumblings and from there are tons of names are thrown into the air. People stand on tables with their hands cupped around their mouths so the names are echoed for everyone to hear.

Then I hear it "TRIS! Tris!" My names called from different areas of the room. From people, I don't even know. I must be the only one not on my feet. Metal plates crash to the floor and strange liquids wet the table surfaces. Peoples hands lock around my shoulders, cheering me on and it's not until Tobias' eyes catch mine that I really hear it. It's only my name being called. Nearly everyone's eyes are drawn to me, willing me to accept. It's almost threatening. I hate the attention so much just want to crawl into a hole and stay there. My stomach drops as Uriah and Will pick me up by my waist and basically throw me on the table, next to Tobias. I feel my face flush with embarrassment, the urge to run so strong I can barely fight it.

His eyes are full of love; it's stunning, he gives me strength to hold my head high. I can barely hear him asking me if I want to do this, my instincts finally jump in. "Yes." My voice surprises me. Clear and strong. Certain. Cheers echo through the walls and I can't help but laugh as Tobias pulls me to his side, linking our hips.

"I'm so proud of you. I love you." He whispers repeatedly. I believe in me. I can do this. I'm Dauntless, aren't I?


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Drinks are poured and conversations are shared, celebrations are happening for me. As alcohol connects with my lips, it sends a tingling sensation through my body. It burns my throat as it glides to my stomach. I feel the world become hazy while the sounds become muffled. Tobias is drunker than I am. Slurring his words with his hair extremely tousled, taking shots with the even drunker Pedrad twins. Chris' firm grip drags me to her cramped apartment. Food boxes and old clothes are carelessly tossed aside, over couches or under tables. The rest of the gang follow suit and take random seats throughout the living room.

"Candor or Dauntless!" Zeke's cries pound against my eardrums. I feel Tobias' arms lace around my hips, smuggling me closer. The reek of alcohol evident on his skin. He slumps down on the dark leather sofa, still clutching tightly onto my waist.

"Dear sibling, Candor or Dauntless?" Zeke questions with a menacing tone, his eyebrows basically connecting with his hairline.

"Dauntless! I ain't no pansycake!" The words receive boos from our miniature crowd. Calls like "You'll never bring it back little bro!" and "Give it up Uri!" erupt through the room while I sit there laughing at the act of idiocy.

Uriah just rolls his eyes then goes back to giving Zeke a challenging glare. "Kiss Bud." Zeke's tone is overflowing with delight but Uriah doesn't even seem fazed. He just gets up, hauling a screaming Chris over his shoulders and saunters out towards the Pit.

Once they get back, ironically, Uriah is in fits of laughter while Chris is flushed of color, she slides into the seat beside me without saying a word. By the time Uriah's composed himself Chris' slight emotion to her. "When I kissed him- he - pulled back and began making out with Chris!" The last couple of words is barely audible over the amount of chortling cutting his words, his laugh is contagious and all the rest of us follow through; except Will and Chris. Wills eyes are full of hate with Chris is almost whimpering in the corner. He places his arms around her protectively, shielding her from other men.

"Tris, Candor or Dauntless?..."


	17. Chapter Seventeen

"Candor?" I reply the world slurring from my mouth.

Uriah's eyes hold a mischievous glint that almost scares me, "How much did you miss us?" He indicates toward everyone in the room. My eyes quickly skim over my friend's faces which have been contorted with alcohol.

"Not that much to be honest," I smirk, raising my eyebrows while downing the last of my beer. The stinging of my throat causes it to tauten in a decent way. A chorus of 'boo's and 'whatever's roll around the room as I target my next victim. I catch Peters anxious eyes from his secluded section of the circle, "Peter, Candor or Dauntless?"

His eyes bulge in shock, his teeth gritting together. "Umm..." He takes his time to analyze his choices, I can literally see the gears in him brain turning. "Dauntless."

I decide to take it easy on him and it's ironic really- He bullied me but I have more power than him yet I still deny him any revenge, "Come sit with us- we're your friends." I give him a reassuring smile that seems to work as he hesitantly slides into the space in-between an overprotective Will and an ever so much drunk Uriah.

"Em, Christina. Candor or Dauntless?" His voice is so much softer than what I'm used to. I remember the sharpness of any word he would say, the way he would throw repulsive words against my child-lick body. Always pointing out the worst in people. A sliver of hate flashes through my chest but I swiftly push it away.

"Dauntless." She answers with a quake to her usually booming voice, keeping her hand firmly knotted with Will's.

"I dare you to-"

"Wait! Wait..." Uriah snickers to himself before whispering something to Peter with a devilish grin.

"Okay, Christina, I dare you to lick Uriah's foot after he dips it in the used toilet water." He gives Uriah a look as though he's asking if he said it right and Uriah gives him a sneaky thumb up.

I almost gag in my mouth, just imagining it. Chris' skin turns a sickly gray so she decides to peel off her tank top- leaving her in a laced bra. All the boys have their eyes trained to her breast- including Tobias. "Hey!" I roughly elbow him in rib, knocking the air from his lungs.

"Quit staring- she's mine!" Will bellows coarsely at the boys while Chris blushes red.

"Tobias, C or D?" Chris breaks the ice with her comical eyebrow dance.

"Candor," he says nonchalant but he jaggedly points a finger at Uriah," and I swear to God if you call me a pansycake I will beat you senseless." Uriah's lightened face darkens with fear as her shrinks into his clothes.

"Did you ever think about sex during Abnegation." I explode with laughter as everyone stares at me puzzled.

"Of course, we're human." He cackles, rolling his eyes at this ridiculous question. I lazily consider his amused eyes and unashamedly yawn which causes his to choke up on laughter, "Sorry guys," He says, heaving my drained body over his shoulders, "But Six here is out of it tonight. Have fun without us." He strolls nonchalantly out the door, to the direction of our apartment.

I giggle into the deep scent of his tight-fitted top, flailing my legs in a child-like manner. "Ugh, I love you, Tobias." I sigh, trailing light kisses over his shoulder blade, feeling the stable muscles of his back. A light, bubbly feeling worms its way through my limps, bringing a smile to my face.

His body lightly shakes as he laughs into the dimness of the echoing corridors, "I love you too Beatrice."


	18. Chapter Eighteen

The day of the Choosing Ceremony opens with Tobias kissing me awake. The warmth of his lips paths up my collarbone, easing over the three birds. I delicately trace my hands over the slight bumps of his back as I wrap my legs around his waist- drawing the space closer between us. His lips snake up the curve of my neck and trail up to my lips, deftly brushing back strands of my hair with his lean hands. A slight moan escapes his mouth and tingles my skin. A minute blush touches his cheeks but it doesn't faze me, I continue to glide my lips affectionately over his, soaking in every joyous feeling. I drag my hands through his thick rich hair thinking back to the tear-stained days where this would only be a dream. A delicate sensation tickles down my spine at the thoughts of many mornings like this to come. The deeper he kisses the more my resilience against it falls.

A tug in my stomach just screams for him, every molecule of him but my mind knows we should stop before we can't. "Tobias," I smile against his lips, his head collapsing to my chest in defeat.

"Just five more minutes." His mumbles vibrate against my skin.

I lightly giggle, feeling the weight of him on me; my legs twisted around his back as his hand's tangle in my hair. Behind him are the golden beams of light reflected off the hanging bulb, shadowing what once was the dust covered floor. "Come on Four, up you get." I clamp my hands to his chest, heaving him off me. He reluctantly slides off the mattress and rambles to the bathroom.

"Ten minutes, instructor!" He calls from behind him, his voice murky from sleep. Rolling my eyes, I dis-tangle myself from the heap of dark blankets. I grunt as the rusted metal clock on the wall reads half past seven.

"Hey, the ceremony doesn't start till twelve!" I echo through the locked door to Tobias. The slashing of water tells me he's in the shower so I give up, knowing he won't have heard me.

I sit, lingering in and out of sleep, waiting for him to get out the bathroom. I hear the distinct screech of the shower handle as the violent thundering of water stops abruptly. Muffled shuffles of feet edge towards the door before a water dripping, and half naked, Tobias walks out- steam oozing off him. Hi ruffles the towel through his hair, extenuating his muscular arms. I snap my gaze away from the curve of his torso before he notices me staring, "Finally- you nearly take as long as Chris." I complain, gliding past him into the roasting bathroom- catching him smile expectantly at me.

I turn to see the steam covered mirror has been etched into the shape of a heart, I make an awkward face to myself before turning to him in question, "This is not like you."

"I know, I knew you wouldn't have expected it." He slowly creeps towards me before tugging me into a soaking hug. Hot water seeps through my clothes and onto my skin, I minutely gasp as he makes sure to completely soak me, "Don't complain, you're away to have a shower anyway." Amusement shining behind his eyes.

"Still," I shrill, forcing him away from me, "I hate wet clothes." I point out, reaching for the door, "Goodbye Eaton." I gradually close the door on his pleased face.

"Goodbye, Prior."


	19. Chapter Nineteen

We worm our way through the ecstatic Dauntless, working our way towards our table. Chris, Will, and Uriah are already slung over the seats- laughing and thrashing bread rolls. Skilfully, as I glide into my seat opposite Tobias, I snatch a piece of the warm dough in my mouth. "You did not just do that." Uriah spits from his bread-stuffed mouth draped over the three seats next to me. I cringe away as a chewed chunk lands next to my thigh but he seems not to have noticed.

"You're gross Uri." Will laughs, snuggling into Chris' neck while his arms dressed over her shoulders.

"It makes me more irresistible." He flicks hair he doesn't have, over his shoulder. Receiving a chorus of laughs from the rest of us.

"Uri talking about his good looks, I bet." Zeke shoves his brother's legs off the bench, slumping himself down between us.

"Of course," Shauna adds, slinking into the seats among Tobias and Chris.

I scan over the food sitting in front of me, piles of bacon and eggs. A strong scent persistent amongst the metal and sweat aroma. I reach over and mountain my food, an excitement building. Tobias' thick book snakes up my calf but I instantly kick him away, glaring as he says, "Hungry?"

I just shake my head in amusement, "You'd be surprised how much I can eat."

"Excited for today, Trissy?" Uriah reaches over and nudges my shoulder, wriggling his eyebrows.

The excited bubbling inside me pours out my mouth, "Yes. I am so excited. I've only ever been to mine and that was four years ago- wow, four years ago," I feel my eyes swell in astonishment, "Guys, we're getting old."

"How do you think we feel." Zeke flares his arms towards Tobias and Shauna. I chuck around a chunk of bacon.

"Sorry?" I mumble, remembering when we were younger when they were only eighteen and the rest of us were sixteen. I remember all our friends who will remain sixteen which sends a sad thought lingering through my mind. My smile falls which I hide by investing myself in my food.

Tobias' foot thumps against me and I glance up slightly annoyed, "What?" I mouth, eyeing him intently.

"You okay?" He asks anxiously, his thick eyebrows knitting together.

"Yeah." I weakly smile, stuffing down the rest of my food. I hear the clatter and eruption of cutlery and conversations echoing off the rocky walls. I distinctly hear Uriah's screeching laugh and Chris chirpy voice.

A light tap on my shoulder shushes everyone on the table, I glance up at a young, broad-shouldered woman whose spiky black hair partially drapes over her left eye. A snake tattoo glides from somewhere down her back, up so its head perches just above her jawline. "Tris, right?" I minutely nod, aware of all my friends staring at me, "I'm Dany, a leader alongside Four." She gestures towards Tobias who gives me an encouraging nod.

"Hey." An awkward feeling delays between us for a split second before she says;

"So this is something you don't know about but Four, Jake and I were thinking that maybe you could give the speech at the ceremony today." She gives me a hopeful smile on her thin lips.

My mouth gapes open and y head whirls as I questionably stare at Tobias, who has a delicate smile on his face. "But-you-" I begin to ramble, furrowing my eyebrows in utter confusion as to why Tobias would give something like this up.

"I want you to do it. You're better with words anyway." He says encouragingly, nodding softly.

I glance around at my friends who all vigorously nod at me- do it! - they seem to scream. "Um- yeah sure." I hesitantly agree, my voice quavering at the fact I have no speech prepared as Dan's smile spreads to her mahogany eyes.


	20. Chapter Twenty

Have you ever felt as if butterflies are flying around your stomach?

That is exactly how I felt as my blood sizzled on the coals, granting me access into my new life. I thought that's the worst I've ever felt but right now I feel as though a thunder is twisting around my organs.

My hands jitter in my lap while Uriah egoistically rambles on about something I muffle out. The ground beneath me rattles my body as the train swerves a sharp corner.

Figuring out a speech sends words scrambling around my mind, scorching out at the tip of my tongue. Unspoken words hang dead in the air. My eyes sting as I intently stare at the metallic walls of the cart but in my peripheral vision, I see Tobias staring at me with kind expectant eyes. His chin is dug into his palms that are balanced out by his arms drilling into his knees.

For the past ten minutes, we've been collaborating on creating a decent speech but every suggestion he gives me doesn't sit well. I am so thankful he's trying to help but I want these words to come from me.

He's asked if I wanted to hear his speech but I turned it down but I feel like his would have been a thousand times better.

"Ugh..." I peel my vision to slump into his body, crashing into his shoulder.

"Don't sweat it Trissy!" Uriah jokes from across the cart, sending me a sincere smile. I actually laugh, sliding into Tobias' outstretched arms. I cradle my legs above his hips, staring into his embracing arms.

His arms lace around my waist, coming to rest on the curve of my back. A smile curls at the edges of his lips, "Yeah Trissy, don't worry." His eyes shine with amusement while he whispers my irritating nickname.

I exaggeratedly roll my eyes, whipping the back of his head, "Oh, shut up."

We jokily laugh together, bracing our heads against the others. I feel his hot breath seep onto my skin as I line my lips with my tongue, biting down on the tip. We sit there in silence, bathing in each other's touch.

I low groan echoes around us but I don't take my eyes off Tobias but he glides his above my shoulder and starts shuddering with laughter.

"If you're going to kiss, just do it already!" Uriah moans, I hear a twinge of hurt in his voice that most people don't so I slide off Tobias giving him a knowing look and he gets my message, "Thank you!"

I hesitantly glance over to Uriah and his eyes hold hues of gold that are typically alight with joy but I can tell he's reliving memories of Marlene. A gloomy smile overtakes my happy one but I shake it off, erasing the pictures of my old friends plastered across my eyes.

"Let us go!" Chris yells as she leaps from Will's lap and races to the open door of the compartment.

Deftly, she leaps from the cart, tumbling onto the concrete ground. Our group of friends laugh and shove each other off while Tobias and I dive off last. The wind hits me abruptly before a piercing sensation shoots through my bones as I hit the ground.

All around us, Dauntless draped in black wipe crumble residue from the ground as we make our way towards the Hub. Erudite in pristine blue glide around the building, sixteen-year-olds hiding the fear that trembles their hands. Amity colorfully chatter loudly while Candor in white and black have severe conversations between one another. Then a small group of Abnegation walk in their usual pattern, their eyes drawn low and their hands clasped around their back.

"Tris, coming?!" Will yells from a few meters away. He pulls me from my trance of staring and I run along beside the train tracks until I come hand in hand with Tobias. Entering the Hub.


	21. Chapter Twenty One

The assembly gathered in front of me is supposed to be the smallest since the war but to me, it seems as if the room is seething new people by the second.

I'm sitting on the farthest left chair on the first row of Dauntless, fixedly staring at the huge choosing bowls to keep my racing mind at bay. Next to me, Tobias and Dany are literally knee-deep in conversation about the new initiates, but I can't muster the will-power to talk with them.

I awkwardly feel my teeth jittering at the thought of rambling nothing in front of this mass audience. Just the sheer thought of it rises a lump to my throat.

Simultaneously, the audiences nervous chatter ceases, only increasing my anxiety. A light tap on my thigh sends my eyes straight to Tobias, greeting me with an encouraging smile. I hesitantly rise from my seat, feeling dozens of eyes steer towards me.

By the time, I've actually come to a stand-still in the centre my hands are shaking so badly, I'm sure the audience can see. I clear my throat, flinching at the sound of it echoing through-out the silent room.

Inhaling deeply, I peel my eyes away from my shoes. A wave of emotions hit me, I can literally feel the anxiousness and fear bubbling in the room- oozing from people's faces.

People simply dressed in their assigned colours have their soul attention trained on me, not threateningly, but almost encouragingly. A sense of confidence pushes my forward, allowing my mouth the reigns of my speech;

"Welcome everyone! Welcome to your new self, should I say?

"No, I shouldn't. Because no matter if you convert factions or stay, you're still the same person- only proving that you are who you are." A slowing circle, soaking in all the attention and projecting my voice with this new-found confidence, "That you might get stronger or even weaker but you will always be you.

"Now, let us take a little trip down memory lane; Factions, as you know were created to protect us from ourselves- to hold us down to one trait. But Factions were almost our destruction, too, remember?

"You're probably thinking- then why have them? And the answer is- because we're not ready to let go. We're not ready to completely change because deep down- like I was saying before- we're still the same. But if we co-operate, we can find where we belong. We can salvage the goodness our system must offer.

"If you feel secluded from one place, then know this- you can change to the faction to which you feel more at peace. More at home. But know this! We might be separated by colour into five different sectors but we are one- each and every one of you are a significant piece to a puzzle determined to mend what our ancestors broke. We are the tools to tomorrow.

I scoff, rolling my eyes at myself, "Cheesy?" I ask, receiving minute laughs, "I know. But true all the same.

"What I said was confusing, I know. But you will get your heads around the fact that you are you- no matter where you go. You are you and that's what's going to change our future.

"We were broken- yes. But ever so slightly- we mend each other!"

I end with a gush of pride, staring into lightened faces. I've now turned back to the Dauntless- scanning over barely recognisable faces for Tobias'- who is standing with a loud smile etched into his lips, creasing his eyes.

A thunderous applause greets me, giving me a shock which must be evident on my face since Tobias lets out a low laugh. Next to him, Dany's clapping eccentrically, nodding vigorously. She waves me over as the clapping fades and I exchange one last smile to the auditorium before shuffling back to my chair, receiving many slaps on the back and murmurs of encouragement.

I can faintly hear Dany reading out the name of the first kid to choose, but I'm too focused on my achievement, and to make it all better, Tobias laces his hand through mine, giving it tender squeezes. I turn my head to gaze into his eyes, pride glowing through the ocean.


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**Hey, guys! This is the last chapter for this story. Please comment if you want a continuation! Enjoy...**

As I watch the choosers anxiously slice their palms and dangle them above their chosen faction, I become more distant to what's happening. Tobias' and my hands are still interlocked in my lap but my mind is far away, lingering on my own memories.

Sometimes I wish I could turn back the clocks to the day I chose Dauntless. There's a small piece of me that wishes I chose Abnegation. Wishes I chose the calm life where I would most likely have married a basic boy who grew up in my year at school and sat secluded like me in the back of any class, the only boy who would have survived the attack. Sometimes I wish I died with the rest of my home faction. Sometimes I wish for a different life.

My heart contracts as a flash of Al crosses my mind from nowhere. I remember the way my heart leaped as he literary swept me off my feet and thundered down the dimmed halls of Dauntless. It's ironic how the weakest link died bravely. I know I haven't always thought the way he died was brave but after I almost died I realized how he didn't know where his death would take him. He didn't know where he'd go.

The pain of my life weighs me down every day, but the memories of Al's warm embraces and my dad's loving smiles keep me going. I talk to dad sometimes- crazy, right?

I confine in him while I can't sleep and Tobias is lightly breathing under the comforter next to me. I beg him to forgive me and plead with him to watch over mom and Caleb. I joke with him about the days where he'd scold me for running too far down the street but he'd always quirk a smile. Sometimes Tobias must wake me from a heaved sobbed slumber, which is something I'm not proud to admit.

But we keep going, his strength is mine and mine his. Sometimes I just want to quit and let everything go but I won't do that. I've hurt too many to give up now.

I love my life. It's been crap but I love it. I love my Dad. I love my mom. I love Caleb, Christina, Uriah, Will, Zeke, Shauna, Al... Tobias. I _love_ Tobias.

I love my Divergence.


End file.
